Orphanage Rule #22: Watch Out For Guys Who Are Too Nice

This piece of advice is a warning of being too trusting. Nice guys are great, but if they’re too nice it could mean trouble. There’s a good chance they’re trying to make you feel secure so they can get you into a position where they can cause you harm of some sort or take advantage of you in some way.

This is a case where it seems like I’m supposed to be psychic & know which men are being regular nice & which ones are being “too” nice. There’s no way for me to know what someone’s motivations are unless they tell me, & even then they could be lying.

I think, at least some of the times I’ve been told this, the point is that when men are very nice, they often feel like they’re owed something in return. Perhaps if they do something they consider very kind & then I reject their advances later, they’ll be angry with me?

Yeah, thanks, Tips!

Okay, but I need a reference here. What does “too nice” even look like?

If a man opens a door for me, is that regular nice or too nice?

What about if he pays for my meal?

Or if he stops his car to let me cross the street?

What if he buys me a drink? Two drinks?

How about if he shows interest in my personal life without being invasive?

If he offers to cook for me, what does that fall under? Will that change if I accept his offer & he actually cooks a meal for me?

If he offers to pet my dogs while I’m walking them, should I allow it? Is he being too nice, or will I be an ungrateful bitch for telling him no?

What if he doesn’t make me pay for a service because he likes me?

If he reads my writing & says he likes it?

Or if he’s behind me in line & offers to pay for my tea? What if he actually does pay for my tea?

Let’s say he comes over while I’m being harassed & tells the harasser to leave me alone. Is that too nice?

Are any of these too nice? Are any of them regular nice?

Is this just a measure for strangers, or are friends included? I don’t think I understand.

Maybe we should just tell men they don’t always get extra favours when they’re good people. That might help them stop throwing a fit when you’re not willing to do what they want after they think they’ve done you some favour.

Is that too far? Can men be expected to learn basic humanity & decency without the promise of a tangible reward? Am I asking too much?

This is another example of women being told they must be on guard at all times & never trust men. It isn’t reasonable to expect anyone to live with that level of anxiety & fear, it can destroy them.

There’s no such thing as “too nice”. If someone’s being nice, it’s a good thing. If someone’s being nice with the expectation of favours later & will react violently when denied, they were never nice to begin with.

 

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